meandering creativity, symbols and emotion

Friday, March 26, 2010

Not Alone But Lonely?

We were all slightly buzzed and it was after midnight which meant that some of the usual barriers between honesty were down.

My band had just played a show at the seedy dive de jour and we were all having a sobering, late dinner at the nearby Denny's. Nothing like greasy food and burnt coffee to get those brain cells back to 100% - or at least reminding them how to drive home!

So I decided to ask the question that I'd had swimming inside for a few weeks - "Are you guys lonely?"

The responses were not only unanimously in the affirmative but also very emphatic: "Oh God Yes!" mingled with much nodding of heads almost in unison. The interesting thing about it was that everyone at the table was married or in a serious relationship and yet they were well aware of just how lonely they still felt. I was so happy to know that I was not the only one who felt like this.

I certainly feel less lonely when I'm with my wife, but i have no illusions about the fact that i feel sad and lonely a lot of the time.

I should clarify that I am not and have never been depressed in the clinical sense. I've thankfully never been debilitated enough so that I could not function in the day to day. Mostly my sadness manifests itself in my having a darker sense of humor and songwriting. And I think I've come to grips with this sadness - i feel ok about it. Most of the people i know who have suffered with depression get in this cycle of feeling depressed and then slipping further into depression because they get depressed that they're depressed. I can recognize being sad as a normal part of my weekly living and thankfully i can then move onto something more enjoyable.

I think that my dear friends might be in the same place. None of them have dealt with depression (of which I'm aware at least).

A while back I indicated I might repost some older writing; this was originally posted in October of 2005 and elicited a great reply from my friend Jon

1 comment:

  1. I don't really get lonely. I generally prefer to be alone. While I tend to swing pretty bi-polar, loneliness never really jumps in with the sadness.

    I think I might have hermit tendencies though...